How has my hearing loss imparted to my way of living & how do I cope with it?
Sun, Dec 5 at 4:14 AMDear Mr Lim,
I purposely left out to response your above heading topic at my earlier replying email. Because I need to recall & rearrange my personal genuine & complicated stories since once upon a time. It was a long history to me & my family as a whole too. At least I feel this is my sincerity with genuine expression because you are a well qualified teacher in term of modern scientific medical field.
I would hereby briefly & roughly express my story in my own poor personal wordings.
After the car accident in 1976 just after my father suddenly passed away due to heart attack in Singapore TTSH in 1975. Unfortunately I had a car accident & I met a seriously injury with head cracking at the front forehead & right hand side of body with 3 broken ribs too. When I woke up I was lying at QEH hospital in Kota Kinabalu & surprisingly could not move at all. At a glance of damaged 1200+ cc of Toyata Coralla small car with 2 doors only, most people suspected the driver should be a "gone-case" already. I was travelling straight road toward KK for a job duty while a 3 tons pick-up suddenly turned his right & hit against/toward my right hand front wheel & squeezed my driver seat compartment into like a 'sardine' state. My both legs still remained at the driver down below compartment though as I was told later. It was T-junction. The pick-up driver was heading his home nearby at the T-junction. Luckily I wasn't on with my safety belt on that day. Guess my head hit against the broken front screen & at same time my right body ribs hit against the steering wheel. It was a great impact of sudden car accident. Luckily the great impact was absorbed by the front right hand side wheel which is solid & tough. My body was thrown toward the front passenger seat. I understand the pick-up's driver was an old man.
After my hospitalization for a few days or a week rather I struggled to go back to work nevertheless involving with heavy machineries or plants at field job assignment. I was only about 30 years old then & near to my peak career too. Then accidentally I fell again furthering injury my ribs during my normal job assignment. Year after year I gradually lost concentration in my work schedule. Gradually I lost my hearing sense bits by bits year by year too. It was progressively manner actually due to ear-organs nerves system problems! When I was hitting 40+ the hearing loss gradually getting serious & my children were still very small then. I was very worrying & restless. I could not sleep well & hence eventually fell into a very deep valley of anxiety & depression for a few years under treatment & medication. Lots of thinking & could not settling down at all. Despite going through both Western & Chinese professionals medical treatment or therapy but no answer no cure at all. I came to Singapore at Orchard road the specialist centre (now no more there) for treatment & therapy too! I had lost interest totally in making a living & also found my life-journey is so meaningless & so useless. I was truly sad! Sometime I thought of ending my life once in for all by settling my problems. But seeing my loving & most responsible wife working so hard with commitment & dedication & my children were still very small I kept on merely dragging along the journey only.
Luckily my wife managed to shoulder & handle the whole family to gradually bringing up the three children as I was jobless for years & in fact no one liked or wanted to hire me at all. My family was lucky to be able struggling along the journey during this period of unforeseen & unfortunate circumstances just before we moved over to Singapore in1992 because we truly need a change environment after all. Also because Singapore is my wife birth place after all. I couldn't adapt or reluctant to wear the hearing aids too. I had changed many types of hearing aids too. I was very downed indeed! In Singapore the only way to move on & preoccupy myself, I began to do solo volunteer through government CDC on contract with RenCi hospital mobile nursing by taking care of elderly at home around Marsiling area together with neighborhood friends. During these times I could use hearing aids to move on. But year after year my hearing aids not powerful enough they asked I might need to have in-plant surgery & also possibly or probably only can hear 10 to 20%. So I gave up & my family agreed with me too.
Just 2 or 3 years prior moving to Singapore, I happened luckily contacting/attending a few Vipassana Meditation retreats at my birth place Sabah. A report was written as a record for my initial meditation experience/exposure too. I will try to trace & search for it if possible. After learning & picking up Vipassana Meditation I gradually & practically let-go ( 漸次放下很多很多身心煩惱和痛苦了）many things around my surroundings plus the family trouble shooting etc etc too. By the way my family moved to Singapore around 1991 & 1992.
By another golden chance once again in Singapore I took up Zen Meditation （充滿中華文化看話參禪法門）after Vipassana Meditation. Since then, I had never ever looking back again. Just move on even without my hearing sense at all. I don't bother what how people look at me as a deaf person. I basically let-go everything! So much later on I suffered from heart-attack (in 2009) & kidney failure (in 2014) + other multiple illnesses inclusive prostate problem stomach ulcer gout attack etc one after another one following up too. I began to gradually knowing understanding realizing bits by bits or little by little my own personal body-mind-game/system. Simply because of OBJECT-CLINGING-MIND, the attachment as EGO, （只因妄想執著或執取所引起的因緣法） that making me thinking worrying fear & restless along my life-journey especially now I am ageing at 73+. However perhaps I am old enough to eventually mature a little bit. I began to be self-independent throughout my lifestyle except I need my family to accompany me for visiting doctors or specialists' review etc. My wife & I stay together & I can basically walking/living alone but I don't feel loneliness at all. I have an excellent family members & relatives. They are supporting & backing up me all the way. I am considered as lucky old man nowadays!
For 2 years since 2019 we are confined or restricted to stay at home with this unforeseen & unpredictable Covid-19 Pandemic period, honestly it is nothing so special to me as I am always preoccupy & busy myself. We just have to live with it without fear but must take preventive necessary medical precaution or measurement. At haemodialysis centre each session for 4 hours I am always mindful about my body-mind-game/system for better blood circulation & relaxation too.
For any therapy such writing drawing painting or exercise etc I can easily kill times ~ no problem at all. During my leisure time if only I still can manage to be able to walk for a few bus stops because due to my gradual weak & poor knees & hips joints, I would go around around the park or hilly park around Marsiling area at near seaside around Woodlands water front or Sembawang Beach as I am staying/living near Marsiling MRT station. I had been living since 1994 too. I am trying to meet my body mean Index (BMI) of dry weight in order not to over burden my walking step/pace by over weight myself as well as my blood pressure & heart beating or heart pulse. Breathing exercise inclusive body stretching exercise is the best bet of all!
I am a totally deaf haemodialysis deaf patient nowadays but I have buddy dialysis friend at our Marsiling dialysis centre sitting next me on weekly 1-3-5 noon shift. While he is almost blind with his right leg problem due to bone injury & I am a totally deaf patient, surprisingly we click well by body languages or gestures etc. Though the mannerism like chicken & duck connection but we click well enough. We enjoy & happy enough! I can't help him much because of both of us simply with poor face to face communication & interaction. My wife helps to offer him some meals too as he could not manage or hardly can enjoy nice dishes these days despite he got few siblings around. Hardly seeing them visiting him too. He is only 57, single & tough guy. He stays alone with tidy & clean 3-rooms flat at Marsiling area a few minutes walking distance to our dialysis centre. I can't help him much so last Friday on 3rd Dec 21, I was so happy seeing a social welfare worker or officer visiting him at dialysis centre. Guess for his personal detail interview about personal problem.
Thank you very much for taking time/space & kindly listening my story!
Have a nice happy & enjoyable Sunday! May you your family & those around you well healthy happy with peace of mind-heart! Cheers!
SengChen
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